Thursday, June 25, 2009

Help Wanted Ad

Every once in a while, I head over to Mama Kat and participate in the Writer's Workshop. Okay, I lie. It's not every once in a while. I've only done it one other time.

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back and sign Mr. Linky. For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:
1.) Interview a child.
2.) How do you stave off boredom?
3.) Write a poem for the little boy in your life.
4.) Describe a memorable interview or talk about your experience trying to find a job amidst this recession.
5.) Create a Help Wanted Ad.

Well, today, I'm gonna cheat and do #5. I've actually already done this and posted it here before. But, hell. I'm lazy.

OUT OF WORK???? Look no Further!!

Wanted
Steward for the Something In The Glass household. The interview process will consist only of your demonstrated ability to memorize the following information. All who qualify will be accepted, as many stewards are necessary for successful operation of the Household.

Chain Of Command
Mini (age 2) is the primary owner/operator of the SITGH. All others are merely assistants. Assistans/Stewards have no power, nor will they ascend to any leadership roles, receive promotions, awards, or raises of any kind, until such time that Mini abdicates his position for the purpose of obtaining higher education.

Example of Essential Functions
All objects in said Household belong to Mini. He will, however, loan items to staff members for brief periods. These objects include, but are not limited to, chairs, remote controls, the washer/dryer, scarves, bras, and entire rooms.

Mini will make demands for loaned items to be returned in the following manner:

I want (insert object here). I wanit, I wanit, I wanit.

Should the Mini be denied any particular object he desires (knives, tape, Mop-N-Glo, cat litter), he will confirm that he does not like anything (presented for the purpose of diverting his attention), demonstrated as follows:

“No, Mini, you can’t have (insert object from above here). But, look, here’s (choose object from list below).”*

“Your Thomas train!”
“Your Rudolph book!”
“Your Car Park!”
“Chicken Dance Elmo!”
“Your crayons!”
“Your farm!”

The object will be bluntly rejected with this statement:

“No! I don’t wike it.” Emphasis for this statement will be provided by a thrusting of the left arm forward, as to push object away. Proximity of Mini to the object is not a factor. Contact with said object is not necessary for rejection to be complete.

Please note: Mini will determine that he does indeed wike the originally rejected item when it is removed from his presence. He will then issue a statement which is akin to “Uhhh. Uhhh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” This is usually accompanied by prostrating himself in grief, face down on the floor and/or with kicking of the feet.

The seizure-like episode is relieved once the rejected item is provided to Mini.

*During the Christmas season, Mini may be bribed with Santa. This tactic is not always successful.

To Apply for this Position
If you have direct experience in the stewardship of a similar operation, you may forward your resume to theglasshassomethinginit@gmail.com

This position is to be filled immediately. No salary provided. This is non-negotiable.

2 comments:

June Freaking Cleaver said...

Mini's two, and he's in charge? Yikes! Time to put on your big girl panties and tell him who's boss...or he'll be ordering stuff online with YOUR credit card by the time he's six. No wait, that's what MY son did!

Really, take back your power. He's too precious to be a dictator.

Something In The Glass said...

Oh yes, the power has once again shifted in my favor. At the time that I wrote that, we were going through a slight phase where Mini was convinced that he was in charge, despite my urgings to the contrary.

Now the men in my household know, if mama ain't happy...

...well, you know the rest!

I hope your son didn't order too much, or if he did, I hope he at least bought YOU a little something for your trouble!

Thanks for visiting!